I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
