and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
