so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
