New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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