If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
