when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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