Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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