we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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