Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All the doctor said was why
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
