his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
