Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
pray to the hookup gods
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
