I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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