I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't put those talents on a resume
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
