it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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