I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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