i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
