All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
