just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
