Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
