Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
