my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
