So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
