If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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