i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
