he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
