OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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