I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
