Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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