how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
