Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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