Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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