my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
