I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
