i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
