Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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