It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize