We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
