What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize