I just saw a hot homeless man
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
that may or may not have been my penis.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
