He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
