no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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