I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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