I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
