May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is my gift to your gina
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize