and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
