physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
