i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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