i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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