new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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