You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
