I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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