my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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