If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
two words: eviction party
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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