she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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