stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
