I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
