I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
