My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
even my farts smell like vagina
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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