You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize