just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
