I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
