Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
