He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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