If that was your dad, he is hot
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
