I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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