I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
