She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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