my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize