Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
