when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
