It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
