smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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