I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
