just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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