all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize