sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize