I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
