I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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