apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
