you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
